Conviction, Ch 2
by Jackabeth Fanwriter
Summary: Elizabeth has had time to process her reaction last night, and today, as she joins Jack at church, she finds herself wishing she could go back and do it again. Instead, she and Jack learn how to move forward together.


" **Conviction", part II**

So as Jack continued his light-hearted conversations before church, Elizabeth did not notice the concern in Jack's eyes whenever he looked at her. She did not see the guilt he felt for her pain, even though he knew it was for the best. Elizabeth could not see this _not_ because it wasn't evident, but because she could not meet his gaze. On the outside, she appeared to be still angry with him, but inside, she was feeling ashamed that she had, indeed, acted like a spoiled child the evening before. And now here she was, sitting in church pretending that Jack had dismissed her rather than the other way around. After all, if she admitted she had been wrong, it would be like backing down or running from a challenge. Wouldn't it?

Finally, after what seemed an eternity of hidden glances and pretending, Pastor Frank approached the pulpit and started the service. Relieved to have the hymnal to stare at (to make it easier to avoid Jack's caring eyes), Elizabeth sang along with "And Can It Be" with strength and conviction, without ever _really_ listening to the words. Jack's thoughts, too, were consumed with worry about last night, the future, and most strongly about Elizabeth. He too grasped a hymnal with both hands, as if in an attempt to keep himself from placing his arms around Elizabeth's shoulder. He suspected that her ire this morning was only partially aimed at him, as he knew Elizabeth well enough to know she would already be feeling guilty about her outburst the previous night. But now was not the time to address it. There would be time for that as, even in her anger and shame, Elizabeth had agreed to walk with Jack to _their_ mountain pass after church.

As they settled into their seats to listen to Pastor Frank, Elizabeth felt relieved that the Bible passage today was from Luke. "Good. The Gospels. Good News. I could use some good news right now. The last thing I need is a reminder of how we are all sinful," she thought. "The disciples in a boat with Jesus. That should be harmless enough."

"...but Jesus was not just disappointed by the disciples' lack of faith; he was disgusted by the way fear paralyzed them and kept them from obeying Him... _words, words, and more words Elizabeth didn't hear_..."

Elizabeth could not help acknowledge that twinge she felt in her stomach. That feeling she always got when she started to realize that what the pastor addressed was the very thing she had most recently been guilty of. Today's sermon should have been safe. After all, she was right. It was Jack who was being unreasonable. He should be the one squirming uncomfortably in his seat.

"...the wind and waves submit to God's authority...God asks of us... _do you hear Me talking to_ you _, Elizabeth? Remember that I only correct you because I love you..._ "

Without lifting her gaze, Elizabeth realized she had just about all she could take. Had she really been so childish as to think she was justified to stomp off last night in a fit of tears? Could she really be so selfish to have entered church today, eager to blame Jack for her pain? Was she as stubborn as he claimed, so that she would refuse to hear God's words convict her of her sin?

No. Elizabeth couldn't deny the Word of God that uncomfortable Sunday morning. With a flood of emotion (pain, humiliation, anger, and, yes, relief), Elizabeth acknowledged before God that she had been wrong, oh so wrong, last night. Yes, she knew that with acknowledgment and confession God would (already did) forgive her. She knew that He loved her no matter what, and that it was His mercy that allowed her to feel conviction so strongly this morning. It didn't stop her from feeling shame about the way she had treated Jack. She knew that submitting to God was the easy part, but that God has also called upon her to submit to Jack as an authority in her life. It took all of her strength to admit (so why did it make her feel weak?) that Jack was right to stand firm and resist her pleading. But as she accepted the conviction and vowed to make things right with Jack as soon as she could, Elizabeth felt that awful knot in her stomach begin to ease up. As a slow, single tear slid silently down her cheek, Elizabeth slipped her arm through Jack's, interlocked her fingers with his, and gently leaned against his shoulder. Still ashamed to look up at him until she had a chance to properly confess and ask him to forgive her, Elizabeth closed her eyes and tried to listen to the rest of Pastor Frank's message, willing her eyes to stop filling with tears, lest someone would notice the one that had already fallen against her will.

In a matter of about 5 seconds, Elizabeth's mind raced with a million thoughts. Had she hurt Jack so much last night that he would make her suffer before accepting her apology? Was it even possible she could suffer more than she already had? And how long would Pastor Frank continue before she could sing along with the closing hymn, share some polite words, and get Jack alone to put an end to her misery?

It took no more than those same 5 seconds for Jack to realize that Elizabeth's head on his shoulder was the first step in her apology. At once, he understood her conviction, and her deep love for and faith in him. Without missing a beat, Jack stealthily leaned over and placed a gentle, forgiving kiss on the top of Elizabeth's head.

With a rush of joy that can only come when one is truly loved and loves another just as truly, Elizabeth and Jack each knew, without a word, that things were once again right between them. Elizabeth had silently confessed, Jack had silently forgiven, and the two lovers would patiently wait for the opportunity to acknowledge their wrongs and forgiveness to each other and to God, in the shadow of _their_ mountain.

Continued...

*disclaimer: This story is told from a Christian perspective. I am not trying to "preach" or tell anybody how life or Jack & Elizabeth's story should go. It is just what it claims to be, fan fiction, in which a fan took characters wonderfully created by Janette Oke, brilliantly brought to life by Daniel Lissing and Erin Krakow, and wonderfully fathered by our very own Papa Heartie, Brian Bird. Aside from giving me wonderful characters to play with, this fan fiction is an independent work and does not represent the opinions or talents of anyone associated with When Calls the Heart, Hallmark Channel, Crown Media, Believe Pictures, or the moderators of this wonderful fan page. It's just me, having some fun, trying so hard to not offend anyone that it is probably offensive. Enjoy. Or not. It's up to you. :-)


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